He's Just Not That Into You
Or the film I have renamed ‘Why Women are Bad at Relationships, with Men and with each other’.
Ah yes, love and relationships, relationships and women, dickheads and the pathetic women who stay with them, all these themes and more in the 2009 film He’s Just Not That Into You. I had originally judged this film from afar, somewhat aware of the message the self-help book of the same name promotes (rules for women in how to date men-spoiler alert: it’s our fault we’re single! And apparently being single is bad, shame on you women, shame!). I also knew the author of the book was a ‘consultant’ for the show Sex and the City, suffice to say I had a healthy dose of skepticism about the screen adaptation. Recently graduated with an English degree and finding myself with down time during the holiday season I decided to waste some time watching the film and return to my passion of verbally ripping art a new one.
My experience watching this movie was about as enjoyable as the overly cutesy and utterly unnecessary shortened word that names the genre: ‘rom-com’ (think: gag reflex). Was the acting bad? No, the cast list reads like a page out of Us Weekly’s ‘Celebrities: Just Like Us’, with all the right A-listers (although in this case it would be ‘Celebrities: Just Like Us-They Make Bad Career Decisions!’). My real issue with the film is its portrayal of women, as both dependent on men and unhelpful to each other.
Women Dependent on Men in Relationships
Let’s begin with the most obvious point of criticism, the character Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin). Gigi, the hapless and hopeless romantic, cyber stalks her suitors and waits with bated breath for returned phone calls. Much to NO ONE’s surprise, senorita psycho pants does not get much action (at least past date one). Gigi is a pathetic example of a person who bases their whole self worth on identifying with another in a relationship (ie men and having one). She reinforces the stereotype of females as insecure and co-dependent. She makes such self-deprecating remarks as "am I suppose to run from every nice guy who doesn't like me?...there will be no one else". Certainly no one likes Gigi if she doesn’t like herself blah blah whatever. Thus she is reduced to the lowly means of stalking and overanalyzing various suitors in hopes their affection will be returned and that affirmation will complete her existence (whee!).
Further evidence of Gigi’s dependence on men is evident in her relationship with Alex (Justin Long), the guy she casually meets who works at the bar and gives her dating ‘advice’. As with all other men in the film, Gigi waits and waits for Alex to tell her what to do in her relationships. She is constantly uncertain of when to expect a call, whether or not to allow a certain number of days to pass before calling, and who is suppose to call whom. To this I must stop and say really?! Seriously?! Why are you waiting? Have we not learned from other relationships in our lives how to communicate with other human beings and when to pursue a relationship? From friends to colleagues, plenty of life experiences have taught us to discern if a relationship will or will not progress-romantic or otherwise. Any one who has failed to learn that lesson past the 20something age depicted in the film is an outlying example of extreme emotional and social ineptitude. They are neither ‘the rule’ nor ‘the exception’ (as the film/book so neatly tries to polarize the types of daters), they are the abnormal fool who deserves the rejection and isolation they bring upon themselves.
After Gigi has learned some ‘rules’ from Alex, she tells him: "you won't let me go out with guys who don't like me, it's kind of limiting". But what’s truly limiting is a person who bases her self-worth on whether or not a mere acquaintance calls her back, or whether or not some guy who works in a bar decides for her if her lastest romantic pursuit was successful or not. That's limiting.
The movie’s portrayal of women as dependent on men to define a relationship makes a statement that women are emotionally and socially inept in relationships with men and their seemingly 'complex' and 'unpredictable' dating tactics.
Women are poor support to other Women in relationships
With various female characters interacting with one another throughout the film, one is left with the message that women have an inability to healthily support other women, more so that they unhealthily enable them in bad relationships. Barrymore enables ScarJo to pursue a married man more than once with a fantastical story of how people already married ended their marriage when they truly found ‘the one’. This is detrimental advice to both her friend and the wife of said married man. Not surprisingly those relationships all end. And while I don’t believe the movie is explicitly promoting such lunacy (infidelity) it is certainly making a statement about how women are responsible for their relationships ending based on believing such lies.
Gigi and her friends Jennifer Connelley and Jennifer Aniston (warning: don't cast more than 3 jennifer's in a film, it's cinematic suicide apparently) are also constantly lying to one another about their relationships. While this is in the hope of preserving their feelings it ends up causing them more pain in the long run. Connelley is constantly encouraging Gigi in her newest ‘love interest’, even going so far as to encourage her to “look up places for your destination wedding”. Again, really?! Seriously?! Gone is even the very hint that women can be a supportive and healthy community for one another. Instead we see the image of women as competing and enabling one another in disastrous relationships which inevitably end bad. The reality is that women can be and are sufficient emotional and relational support for one another. Solid advice is given in the real world, and it doesn’t include spurring a friend on to participate in adultery with the selfish end of finding your ‘soul mate’.
The tagline of the film reads: “Are you the exception...or the rule?” To which I reply, no I’m the fool, as are you if you watch this film.
When it’s all said and down I decided to adopt one nugget of wisdom from the film, to incorporate it into my life: an anecdotal line from a gentlemen explaining the rules about how to tell ‘if she will not sleep with you’: "a girl will never sleep with you if she takes a dump in your bathroom...takes left-over’s home on dates 1,2,3...if her name is Christine...I know it's not scientific I'm just saying you were warned...you don't want to waste 1-7 weeks to find out it's not happening". I have decided to use this crucial information in my many, many online dating profiles:
Dear single male/affirmer of my self-worth,
Hi! My name is Christine! Here are some fun facts about me: I will poop in your living room (as I’ve been informed I shouldn’t poop in your bathroom). I will take home my left-over’s after our dates and not only those I will take home yours too (Especially if I paid that night, stingy dates be trippin’)! Lastly, to save you 1-7 valuable weeks of your life you might spend getting to know me, you should know that I will not be sleeping with you. Can’t wait to chat! XoXo
Colonel Korn Rating: 0/10... it's really hard to get 0/10
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