Knowing

I still don't exactly know about Knowing staring Nicolas Cage. I'm trying to wrap my head around what that movie was about. Because I can see what the attempt was, but also how poorly executed all the necessary tidbits were to craft it as the ultimate end-of-the-world wrapped in psychological thriller movie.

First things first, can anyone explain to me if those creepy men were Pentecostal [referring to the Christian denomination] aliens or disturbing angels? I cannot decide, but if it's angels, then I'm sure I don't want to encounter one, because it just might kidnap my [still non-existent] child and hijack my car out to some remote part of the forest, only to convince me that my theological opinion was wrong, and to redeem it must be perfectly cool with said creeper-alien/angel taking my kid. In regard to the "happy ending," I'm not sure Heaven is an Avatar world [meaning all CG with a big glowing tree] where we frolic in white linen with other missing children, and for that my vote is for alien. Just the fact that Biblical references [that I am aware of due to my own beliefs] were mixed into a sci-fi movie did not make me feel like there were really any "aha!" moments, it felt more like a gimmick.

Dismal: Nicolas Cage's ability to show emotion. Monotone drone.... I really like him in character roles [Kickass], but the concerned "normal" father just doesn't suit him.

Since I can't really put a finger on much of the movie I'll just say this: I kept expecting something more exciting, surprising or horrendous to happen. While I didn't predict most of the twists, I wasn't stupefied when they came. Even though I don't like thrillers/horror movies I think I would've liked this one a lot more had it been one.

5/10. No, I'd never watch it again.

Guest Critique: He's Just Not That Into You

From Christy Pelton. The Queen of Sarcasm, My Italian Sister, My Missing/Sometimes Better Half

He's Just Not That Into You

Or the film I have renamed ‘Why Women are Bad at Relationships, with Men and with each other’.

Ah yes, love and relationships, relationships and women, dickheads and the pathetic women who stay with them, all these themes and more in the 2009 film He’s Just Not That Into You. I had originally judged this film from afar, somewhat aware of the message the self-help book of the same name promotes (rules for women in how to date men-spoiler alert: it’s our fault we’re single! And apparently being single is bad, shame on you women, shame!). I also knew the author of the book was a ‘consultant’ for the show Sex and the City, suffice to say I had a healthy dose of skepticism about the screen adaptation. Recently graduated with an English degree and finding myself with down time during the holiday season I decided to waste some time watching the film and return to my passion of verbally ripping art a new one.

My experience watching this movie was about as enjoyable as the overly cutesy and utterly unnecessary shortened word that names the genre: ‘rom-com’ (think: gag reflex). Was the acting bad? No, the cast list reads like a page out of Us Weekly’s ‘Celebrities: Just Like Us’, with all the right A-listers (although in this case it would be ‘Celebrities: Just Like Us-They Make Bad Career Decisions!’). My real issue with the film is its portrayal of women, as both dependent on men and unhelpful to each other.

Women Dependent on Men in Relationships

Let’s begin with the most obvious point of criticism, the character Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin). Gigi, the hapless and hopeless romantic, cyber stalks her suitors and waits with bated breath for returned phone calls. Much to NO ONE’s surprise, senorita psycho pants does not get much action (at least past date one). Gigi is a pathetic example of a person who bases their whole self worth on identifying with another in a relationship (ie men and having one). She reinforces the stereotype of females as insecure and co-dependent. She makes such self-deprecating remarks as "am I suppose to run from every nice guy who doesn't like me?...there will be no one else". Certainly no one likes Gigi if she doesn’t like herself blah blah whatever. Thus she is reduced to the lowly means of stalking and overanalyzing various suitors in hopes their affection will be returned and that affirmation will complete her existence (whee!).

Further evidence of Gigi’s dependence on men is evident in her relationship with Alex (Justin Long), the guy she casually meets who works at the bar and gives her dating ‘advice’. As with all other men in the film, Gigi waits and waits for Alex to tell her what to do in her relationships. She is constantly uncertain of when to expect a call, whether or not to allow a certain number of days to pass before calling, and who is suppose to call whom. To this I must stop and say really?! Seriously?! Why are you waiting? Have we not learned from other relationships in our lives how to communicate with other human beings and when to pursue a relationship? From friends to colleagues, plenty of life experiences have taught us to discern if a relationship will or will not progress-romantic or otherwise. Any one who has failed to learn that lesson past the 20something age depicted in the film is an outlying example of extreme emotional and social ineptitude. They are neither ‘the rule’ nor ‘the exception’ (as the film/book so neatly tries to polarize the types of daters), they are the abnormal fool who deserves the rejection and isolation they bring upon themselves.

After Gigi has learned some ‘rules’ from Alex, she tells him: "you won't let me go out with guys who don't like me, it's kind of limiting". But what’s truly limiting is a person who bases her self-worth on whether or not a mere acquaintance calls her back, or whether or not some guy who works in a bar decides for her if her lastest romantic pursuit was successful or not. That's limiting.

The movie’s portrayal of women as dependent on men to define a relationship makes a statement that women are emotionally and socially inept in relationships with men and their seemingly 'complex' and 'unpredictable' dating tactics.

Women are poor support to other Women in relationships

With various female characters interacting with one another throughout the film, one is left with the message that women have an inability to healthily support other women, more so that they unhealthily enable them in bad relationships. Barrymore enables ScarJo to pursue a married man more than once with a fantastical story of how people already married ended their marriage when they truly found ‘the one’. This is detrimental advice to both her friend and the wife of said married man. Not surprisingly those relationships all end. And while I don’t believe the movie is explicitly promoting such lunacy (infidelity) it is certainly making a statement about how women are responsible for their relationships ending based on believing such lies.

Gigi and her friends Jennifer Connelley and Jennifer Aniston (warning: don't cast more than 3 jennifer's in a film, it's cinematic suicide apparently) are also constantly lying to one another about their relationships. While this is in the hope of preserving their feelings it ends up causing them more pain in the long run. Connelley is constantly encouraging Gigi in her newest ‘love interest’, even going so far as to encourage her to “look up places for your destination wedding”. Again, really?! Seriously?! Gone is even the very hint that women can be a supportive and healthy community for one another. Instead we see the image of women as competing and enabling one another in disastrous relationships which inevitably end bad. The reality is that women can be and are sufficient emotional and relational support for one another. Solid advice is given in the real world, and it doesn’t include spurring a friend on to participate in adultery with the selfish end of finding your ‘soul mate’.

The tagline of the film reads: “Are you the exception...or the rule?” To which I reply, no I’m the fool, as are you if you watch this film.

When it’s all said and down I decided to adopt one nugget of wisdom from the film, to incorporate it into my life: an anecdotal line from a gentlemen explaining the rules about how to tell ‘if she will not sleep with you’: "a girl will never sleep with you if she takes a dump in your bathroom...takes left-over’s home on dates 1,2,3...if her name is Christine...I know it's not scientific I'm just saying you were warned...you don't want to waste 1-7 weeks to find out it's not happening". I have decided to use this crucial information in my many, many online dating profiles:

Dear single male/affirmer of my self-worth,

Hi! My name is Christine! Here are some fun facts about me: I will poop in your living room (as I’ve been informed I shouldn’t poop in your bathroom). I will take home my left-over’s after our dates and not only those I will take home yours too (Especially if I paid that night, stingy dates be trippin’)! Lastly, to save you 1-7 valuable weeks of your life you might spend getting to know me, you should know that I will not be sleeping with you. Can’t wait to chat! XoXo

Colonel Korn Rating: 0/10... it's really hard to get 0/10

Gran Torino

Gran Torino

I was hesitant to see Gran Torino, mostly because I had no idea what it was about. But after hearing great things about it and nearly running out of movies in the Red Box queue I decided to bite the bullet. It was partially what I expected, a nasty old man whose heart turns when he becomes involved in the lives of his neighbors. And while that sounds rather drab, it was really remarkable to see his heart turn towards them and the kids respect him even while he insulted their people.

The movie is full of stereotypical one liners and the acting–by everyone but Clint–was horrendous, making the movie almost unbearable. But if you can grimace through everyone else's lines you'll catch the gems from Clint, like "just keep your hands off my dog" in regard to his belief that his Asian neighbors would eat his best friend.

You should make it all the way through, even though my thoughts about the other actors suggests otherwise the culmination of the movie will possibly anger and please you. It did me. You'll find the song at the end when the credits begin to roll is sung by Clint himself, a love song to the gran torino that the story continues to circle back to. Gran Torino proves Clint's prowess as an amazing actor, producer, and director, but shows that he needs to expand into acting coach as well.

6/10 - would've scored more if there was more than one good actor.

Brothers

I was not in the mood for a heavy drama today, thanks to a great number of factors in my life that put me in a giddy mood, so I'm not sure why I picked up Brothers, staring Jake Gyllenhaal, Toby Maguire and Natalie Portman. But I sure am glad that I finally did watch it. Luckily, we did not see Brothers in theaters when it came out nearly 6 months ago, even though my closest were extremely interested in going due to the intense previews. I just watched it alone on my couch tonight and bawled like a baby. And I am most commonly known as the one unable to publicly express my emotions.

One of the best parts of this movie is the fact that it is not actually what the previews make it out to be. The set up and subsequent events surprised me, because I was expecting extreme mushy romance between Gyllenhaal and Portman's characters. But instead I found this movie to be an excellent character study, mainly of the way that men express [or rather, don't] their emotions. There is so much more to the story that you discover through the way the family members interact and make brief reference to.

The highlight of this whole shebang? The eldest of the daughters. I didn't realize until now... how awesome it is to juxtapose the relationship of two brothers in one generation with the sisterhood in the next, and the fact that one completely affects the other without them knowing how much. But back to this girl, played by 10 year old Bailee Madison, who is experiencing the early life crisis that most young girls go through but can't quite explain. I lived through that age, you do and say things, and at the same time think to yourself: why am I acting this way? this isn't me! But have no power to control it. This little girl is an ACTRESS. She can do that simultaneous happy yet fearing for the future, holding back tears face. You know it. You do it when you're really happy and laughing but can't figure out why you're crying. Just watch her face! The character is fighting the urge to hate her father but desiring a real relationship with him [hm... sounds like when I'm mad at God] and the BEST PART of this movie is her antics at the dinner table on her little sister's birthday. She makes a bold move and is catalyst for all the emotional outbursts that come next and bring the movie to fruition. Gyllenhaal, Maguire and Portman got top billing, but she deserves it.

I tend to like war movies about historical events, the whole Band of Brothers saga is one of my favorite things to watch, and I tend to stay away from current event war movies. However, the fact that this movie brought to light a lot of issues that veterans could face is very important. Don't expect you're best friend's boyfriend to come home a raging lunatic, but do understand that there's more to war than what we see on tv. I think this movie represents as accurate a picture of the effects of war as we can get out of the American media, without actually being there ourselves. You may know someone with a different story, but at least the general public gets a glimpse of the war that our troops are fighting, and we never personally see the impact of.

The down side to this movie is at the beginning, as the story is being set up, we see Maguire playing a normal father and husband. But he's just so bad at being normal that it's unbelievable to me. He plays a great creepy nerd and a great crazy, but not a great normal guy. The upside to this–just wait till he goes ballistic, if you thought the preview was intense, hold on to your throw pillow, because you don't know what's coming.

Overall: I highly recommend watching it alone, but then discussing it with someone. You will, at least at one point, think that it's boring and don't expect to be happy after it's over, but you will like it. Pay attention to the way the family members interact and realize that they are just like us. It's a sensational movie, but there's no sensationalism here.

8/10. not my favorite movie per se, but an excellent drama